possibilities...

in the darkness of my mind
through the weakness of my desires
when all my restless soul could do
was just hold on until the dawn

my heart squeezed and
infused a purposeful life
into my aimless existence

I held eternity in my hands
that soft touch of
all possibilities and little certainty
all senses, every emotion
intense, weak, fearful and brave
all at the same time

promises filled with fear
love filled with anger and jealousy
but still caring

with that sweet squeeze in my heart
for just that moment
I lost and then found myself
I pledged my heart and then let myself fall

आम आदमी...

बेमकसद हौसले, लापरवाह कदम
बेवजह शिकवे, बेपनाह बेकार ग़म |

अधपके कुछ ख्याल, आधे अधूरे कुछ ख्वाब
कुछ कर गुज़रने की तलब, मगर वहम बेहिसाब |

भीड़ में खोया हुआ चेहरा, वही जाने पहचाने कुछ राज़
फ़िजूल सोच, सस्ती जिंदगी, ख़ुद ही से नज़रंदाज़ आवाज़ |

मैं - एक आम आदमी
मेरी आखें कभी देखना बंद नहीं करतीं
अंधेरे में भी मुझे मेरा अक्स दिखता है
रौशनी कभी मेरी रूह को छू भी नहीं पाती
और मैं ख़ुद की परछाइयों से डरता हूँ |

मंजिल...

वो मंजिल
जिसके लिए तुम जी रहे हो
हर रोज़, हर घड़ी
हर कदम, हर साँस
उसकी तरफ़ बढ़ रहे हो |

जिसके लिए तुमने अपना सब कुछ
दांव पर लगा छोड़ा है
जिसकी आरज़ू में जितना भी
तुम तड़प रहे हो थोड़ा है |

वो मंजिल
जो तुम्हें तुम्हारी सरहदों से
बहुत दूर खींच लाई है
जिसने तुम्हें दौड़ाया ज़्यादा
मगर प्यास कम बुझाई है |

नींद से जागो, आखें खोलो
और ज़रा देखो के वो मंजिल ख़ुद
कई रास्तों में उलझी हुई
किसी और मंजिल को ढूँढ रही है |

ज़रा ठहरो, ज़रा साँस लो, ज़रा समझो
जो भी रास्ता तुम चुनोगे
जिस भी ओर तुम बढोगे
वो मंजिल तुम्हारे साथ आएगी |

शब्द...

शब्दों को मत पढो
शब्दों के पीछे
छुपे हुए इंसान को देखो
वो किस तरह
टूटता जुड़ता गिरता संभलता
एक शब्द बना है, उसे समझो

शब्दों की कड़वाहट
शब्दों की मिठास
शब्दों की घबराहट
शब्दों की प्यास
कच्चे पक्के शब्द
अच्छे बुरे शब्द
कहे अनकहे शब्द
भूले हुए और
भुला न सकने वाले शब्द

सभी,
जीवन का एक गुज़रा हुआ क्षण थे
जो आया और चला गया
मगर अपने पीछे इन शब्दों को छोड़ गया
जिन्हें तुम आज देख रहे हो |

भ्रम की खोज...

शून्य के अथाह आकाश को
अस्तित्व के धरातल से जोड़ता
समय का धुन्दला क्षितिज
एक भ्रम
और इस भ्रम के ऊपर खिंची
हर पल बदलती कुछ रेखाएं
जिन्हें मनुष्य ने जीवन का अर्थ समझा और
सब कुछ भुला कर वह निकल पड़ा
क्षितिज का पीछा करते हुए
धुएँ से लिखे एक अर्थ की खोज में |

मामूली...

कुछ सपने, कुछ हकीकत
कुछ डर, कुछ ख्वाहिशें
थोड़ा दर्द, थोड़ी खुशी
कभी रास्ते तो कभी मंजिलें

सीने में दबी सिसकियाँ
होठों पर थकी हुई मुस्कराहट
कुछ ढूँढती हुई सी आँखें
साँसों से लटकी हुई घबराहट
चेहरे में दफन एक तलाश
लिखावट के ऊपर लिखावट

जिंदगी की भारी किताब के इस
मामूली से पन्ने को
न जाने किस बात का गुरूर था
जिंदगी ने तो इसे कभी पलट कर देखा भी नहीं

कभी कुछ लिखा तो कभी कुछ मिटा दिया
कुछ बातें याद रहीं और बाकी को यूं ही भुला दिया
फ़िर एक दिन ऐसे फाड़ कर फ़ेंक दिया
जैसे ये कभी ज़िन्दगी का हिस्सा भी ना रहा हो |

यतीम...

मासूमियत बचपन भी पूरा न देख पाई थी

जब उम्मीद जिम्मेदारियों के बोझ से टूट गयी
रिश्ते वक्त के खिंचाव को बर्दाश्त न कर सके
और प्यार, बीते हुए कल के
किसी बदनसीब पल में ज़ख्मी पड़ा है
इस सबके बाद जो जुस्तजू बची थी
उसे समाज की रस्में निगल गयी
और अब बचे हैं मैं और मेरी आवारगी
हर लम्हे ही जद्दोजहद में अपने
वुजूद की तलाश करते

वो चेहरा...

दिल इतना भर चुका था के

किसी भी पल छलकने को
तैयार थी उसकी आँखें
कब से उसने ख़ुद के किनारे
कुरेद कुरेद कर
समंदर को अन्दर बांधे रखा था |

कब तक संभालती वो
आख़िर दिल टूटा उसका और
वो आँखें बरस पड़ीं
बहुत लम्बी थी वो बरसात
बूँद बूँद करके
उसका समंदर सूख गया
उसके चेहरे पर बची सिर्फ़
नमक की कुछ खुश्क लकीरें
जिनको छुपाने के लिए उसने
एक नया चेहरा पहन लिया |

उम्मीद का अकेलापन...

रात की सर्द खामोशी में

दिल की खुरदरी ज़मीन पर
विचारों के अनगिनत बीज
बेवजह बिखरे पड़े थे |

सुबह होने तक
उनमें से कुछ में
उम्मीद के अंकुर फूटे
और वो मिट्टी छोड़ कर
आसमान छूने को तैयार हो गए |

दिन शुरू हुआ तो
वो सभी खुदगर्ज़ पौधे
जो ऊँचाई की अंधी चाह में
अपने वजूद को मिट्टी से
अलग समझ बैठे थे
दोपहर होने तक
जद्दोजहद की गर्मी में झुलस कर
वापिस मिट्टी में जा मिले |

कुछ पौधे गुज़रते काफिलों
के कदमों तले कुचले गए
कुछ ने दूसरों के बहकावे में आकर
अपनी जड़ों को मिट्टी से अलग कर लिया
कुछ अपनी ही कमजोरी का शिकार हुए
और कुछ ने हकीकत से घबरा कर
खुदकशी कर ली |

शाम ढलने तक
सिर्फ़ एक पौधा बचा
जो दिनभर चुपचाप एक कोने में खड़ा
मिट्टी में अपने पाँव जमाए
सूरज को छूने की कोशिश करता रहा था
शाम तक उसका कद
पहले से कुछ बढ़ गया था
लेकिन सुबह से रात होते होते
वो अब अकेला रह गया था |

voices...

I am not me anymore
I am the world I see and reflect..

I am far away from myself
I am the conflict of my own reasons
lost, within my own boundaries
illusioned, by my own beliefs..

I try to hide what I want to show
dissatisfaction of my confused desires
the intensity of my unheard emotions
I am the fugitive of my dying spirit..

I eat my own vanity
to feed my wounded esteem
and still hunger for peace within..

I yearn to return
to my home, the real I
where I once belonged..

only when words outperform silence...

why ravish the purity
of ignorance
with all the pretense..

why cover the sanctity
of silence
with prejudices of words..

why hide from reality
to escape the fear
and weakness of heart..

why borrow the noise
from the world
and make it louder..

why not just grow
with the elegance
of simplicity..

and speak out
only when the words
outperform silence..

am i me...

and i try
to put words together
to somehow make sentences
and give shape to the vagueness
of my feeble thoughts..

one contradicts the other
one loves, other hates
one agrees, other debates
and i always try to know
which one is the me..

questions
one after another
striking my tired mind
breaking all
which were once built
my defences shattered..

i look for answers
amidst this duality
of my only certainty, asking
am i the seeker
or am i the sought
am i the thinker
or am i the thought..

incomplete hunger...

is desire weakness,
is hunger a curse?

questions, desires, longings
unanswered, unfulfilled, ignored
turn into rebellion, greed and lust
or nescience, deficiency and doom..

and answered incorrectly
fulfilled carelessly
tendered without elegance
become
delusion, conceit and a senseless hope..

Ah, hunger wasted!

what is done
becomes the doer
the eater and the eaten
eventually become one..

knowing answers is not enough
learning their value is important
earning the desires is essential
buying them isn't all..

every moment of hunger wasted
is a chance lost to evolve..

incomplete anger...

can't stretch any further
your limits are challenged;
you've had enough
once again
you're about to explode

but afraid
where the pieces
of your anger will fall;

worried
will you be able to
gather those torn pieces
and put yourself together,

instincts fight against
every reason you give
and
you just hope
there was a place
where you had chances
of not losing your sanity
even after defeating yourself

allow me to be...

let my thoughts fly
don't tie their wings
let me fall down
nothing can happen
let me measure my depths..

allow me to be angry
let my soul burn
let me realize
what apathy can cost..

give my greed a chance
and i will find out
how important effort is..

allow me to be jealous
and let me learn
how to let go..


let me feel the shame
and become responsible
for what i do..

allow me to be sad
let me feel this pain
let me understand
what joy is worth..

don't stop me from being
what i am now
this will change
let me be honest
i will evolve..

let me fall, i will rise
let me find
how high i need to climb
just be with me
and allow me to be..

an old man's illusion...

born out of an impotent desire
grown old with a lame apathy
the tired old man
looks into the mirror
searches for the face
that was his
and sees that
he has become the illusion
in which he once believed

dreams of an oasis
every word, every thought
every blink of eyes
was poetry coming to life
he was young, restless
he had a lot to prove
so he struggled and strived
he used to die everyday
to keep his dreams alive


but then one day
reality appeared before him
and he faced the
illusion he was living
illusion of love
of hope, of greatness
of liberation
of things larger than life
illusion of a world
that was beautiful
and worth fighting for

the reality took over him
and he saw his ideas rot away
word by word, phrase by phrase
he felt his dreams dying
a slow suffocating death

and now he is alive
but not living anymore
the incomplete poem
frozen over his stoned eyes
his wrinkled soul
visible on his face
what's left
is just the illusion
in which he once believed

scribbled in haste...

survivors of an unknown tide; dry sand, heavy sadness; and nowhere to hide; they meet they speak of the world left behind; of what they thought sought and what they held inside..

buds of affinity bloomed from words sowed in silence; there was a connection a bond, a strange familiar fragrance; and the nostalgia of the land left behind faded away into distance..

but then there was pride; a choking vacuum, a harsh truth; which they were forced to abide; many times they practiced, rehearsed; what they wanted to say; finally told the truth but still they lied..

when two lives collide; crossroads form, sacrifices happen; and next moment they divide; they sobbed, wept for what they lost; but after a while when the tide ebbed; their words, tears, dreams, desires, all died..

her tryst...

clouds of emotions cross her heart
with droplets of promises, flakes of hope
an old desire opens its dreary eyes
from the underground, an unknown slope..

when did this seed, this neglected desire
with an innocent face, wearing bawdry attire
entered her soul, she can hardly remember
but her heart has always fallen in its mire..

an earth plowed by corpses of traditions
sowed with rotten seeds of ambitions,
her soul has eroded, her heart is barren
never in peace with its own definitions..

'O father, why didn't you let me be
with my own dreams, and my tiny sea
why did you always teach me to believe
in a restless world I could never see..

I could've been me, with a name of my own
clear and simple, my mind would've grown
but you broke my knees, and pushed me to run
Ah! had you just loved me, I sure would've won..'

and she, her heart and the old desire
now too tired to dream or aspire
walk alone with a crowd of compromise
so used to darkness, so scared of a sunrise..

heart is always in war with the reason
and she doesn't know to whom she must listen
whether heart triumphs or her reasons win
always her soul feels guilty of a sin..

so her lips move, and whisper a prayer
an intense urge to be free from dispair
'I want to be strong, I want to be brave
I want to be in peace, I want to be aware..'

orphan...

lost in the crowd of memories there stands an orphan child
whose innocence was overrun by the world going wild
choking throat, moist eyes his fists are closed, lips tight
he feels betrayed, he knows this could never be his fight...

he was forced to grow it was never his free will
the burden of heavy dreams he is carrying to fulfill
he never says, never moves to the ground his feet are stuck
he looks around and wonders if this is his final luck...

he awaits a brother to carry him to places
he wishes for a mother's affectionate embraces
he looks for a direction, he's afraid where he must go
he wishes he had a father to teach him how to let go...

soft emotions turned hard stone
tough and arrogant he refuses to conform
now he can't remember when he last smiled
he keeps pretending, this god's lonely child…

i am the flaw...

I am the desire,
the ambition of an arrogant mind
that I know I can never fulfill

I am the anger,
the boiling blood in my veins
that I know will melt my bones

I am the weakness,
the shameful vacuum in my throat
that I know I can never accept

I am the fear,
the suffocating smallness of my heart
that I know I can never outrun

I am the thought,
the words infected with emotions
that I know I can never comprehend

I am the loneliness,
the warm moist tear in my eyes
that I know I can never evade

I am the flaw,
the me which I want myself to be
that I know I can never become