scribbled in haste...

survivors of an unknown tide; dry sand, heavy sadness; and nowhere to hide; they meet they speak of the world left behind; of what they thought sought and what they held inside..

buds of affinity bloomed from words sowed in silence; there was a connection a bond, a strange familiar fragrance; and the nostalgia of the land left behind faded away into distance..

but then there was pride; a choking vacuum, a harsh truth; which they were forced to abide; many times they practiced, rehearsed; what they wanted to say; finally told the truth but still they lied..

when two lives collide; crossroads form, sacrifices happen; and next moment they divide; they sobbed, wept for what they lost; but after a while when the tide ebbed; their words, tears, dreams, desires, all died..

dindu's pool of reality...

Now we know that US economy is headed for a severe stagflation (inflation + unemployment) and $ is going to lose its shine sooner or later, and this situation is going to affect the economies around the world including India. Experts say that this can even resemble the 1929’s Great Depression. Makes me nervous to read and watch. Be cautious everyone! Don’t curse the fate/fortune/religion/god once this systemic failure leaves its rot behind. After reading this thought provoking and hair raising interview of Shankar Sharma (of First Global) you will find that on a fundamental level, this is a result of ‘living beyond one’s means’.

Apart from the interview above, I had another thought provoking/hair raising conversation last weekend with Dindu. Dindu can be very witty at times, though most of the times he is lying ‘vetti’ in his sofa changing TV channels which is his favorite hobby. The 'witty'ness happens mostly on days when he takes bath – which is almost once in a while if not more, and more especially when he goes for his swimming lessons at the local leisure centre. That reminds me of the controversies that follow Dindu wherever he goes. On the first day of his swimming, he came out of the Men’s change room, but while going back landed in the Female change room. He was only a few moments away from being beaten up by the ladies, but apparently they have to remove their shoes/slippers before entering the pool side. This wasn’t all. Next time while trying to swim across the length of pool (which would be around 50 meters) he lost breath in the middle, slipped and fell over a bunch of ladies standing at one corner. One lady caught Dindu by the neck and she could have drowned him in the pool had not the instructor intervened. And as it turned out to be, ‘next time’ was the day we had this conversation.

Dindu was just back from the claws of death. And when a person somehow experiences his death, it makes him even wiser, and takes him nearer to Buddhahood (in his case – Dinduhood). So Dindu and I had this conversation in which Dindu told me about the ten fold principles he envisioned when his head was under the water in the hands of a beautiful woman, who he intends to ask out for a cup of coffee on his next leisure centre visit. Here is Dindu's ten principles of Pool Reality.

1. World is like a huge swimming pool, with different depths, currents, temperatures and cleanliness of water at different places.

2. Boundaries of this swimming pool are very uncertain. At some places this pool is very broad, at some places very narrow. These boundaries are the good and bad, positive and negative, light and dark.

3. We need to be inside this pool whether we wish or not.

4. Our body and mind have limitations – i.e. we cannot hold our breath for more than a limit of time and we cannot stress our body beyond a point.

5. If we try to swim across this pool in a single breath, that might lead us to beating by some group of ladies. That is, we will lose our balance and gasp for breath if we don’t relax and breathe at regular intervals.

6. When we lose our balance, we start sinking in the pool whose depth we don’t know. Then our survival instinct forces us to grasp the nearest possible corner. Sometimes we land in the ‘good’ corner and sometimes in the ‘bad’ corner.

7. There are very few people who swim in the deep water. The places where the depth is less the crowd is more. Advantage of being in the shallow water is that it is safe but there is risk of getting suffocated in the crowd. There is risk of getting drowned and being left alone in the deep water but ‘it is better to be breathless in the pure air than being full of breath in foul air’.

8. Most of the people swim only across a narrow breadth of pool. Their relative position never changes. They swim in circles.

9. It is difficult to swim in a straight line at a single stretch. So every swimmer follows a non linear path as given in the below diagram called ‘Dindu’s Pool of Reality’.10. Basic thing a mortal human being needs to learn is how to stay relaxed and balanced in the middle of deep water. And how to keep breathing!

Dindu thinks that he can liberate this world by making humans understand this ten fold charter. My best wishes are with the tambi.

Meanwhile, I am stuck with a very difficult choice to make. Big dilemma going through my little brain currently - 'To MS or not to MS'.

her tryst...

clouds of emotions cross her heart
with droplets of promises, flakes of hope
an old desire opens its dreary eyes
from the underground, an unknown slope..

when did this seed, this neglected desire
with an innocent face, wearing bawdry attire
entered her soul, she can hardly remember
but her heart has always fallen in its mire..

an earth plowed by corpses of traditions
sowed with rotten seeds of ambitions,
her soul has eroded, her heart is barren
never in peace with its own definitions..

'O father, why didn't you let me be
with my own dreams, and my tiny sea
why did you always teach me to believe
in a restless world I could never see..

I could've been me, with a name of my own
clear and simple, my mind would've grown
but you broke my knees, and pushed me to run
Ah! had you just loved me, I sure would've won..'

and she, her heart and the old desire
now too tired to dream or aspire
walk alone with a crowd of compromise
so used to darkness, so scared of a sunrise..

heart is always in war with the reason
and she doesn't know to whom she must listen
whether heart triumphs or her reasons win
always her soul feels guilty of a sin..

so her lips move, and whisper a prayer
an intense urge to be free from dispair
'I want to be strong, I want to be brave
I want to be in peace, I want to be aware..'

tagged...

Oops.. I was tagged by Priya. Very difficult to write out like this but still giving a try.. One warning: these ideas are contextual, so you need to know what my current state of mind is. Last night I boozed till I threw up. So that hangover might be getting reflected from some of the lines. But once that's over, I myself might find it funny! Anyhow.. here I go.. And I tag the bloggers who visit here except for the ones who are already tagged.. he he he..

Ten Things You Wish You Could Say To People Right Now (names withheld) :

1. I miss you guys! (to the partners in crime… equally doped!)
2. Trust me. I can do it. (to the cynic boss!)
3. You are my star. You are my angel. (to all beautiful people who help me out at times…)
4. Thanks, but no thanks. (to those who distribute advice, free like pamphlets…)
5. Fuck off. (refer #4)
6. I don’t know. (to the business who don’t know either…)
7. Would you please help me? (please refer #3…)
8. I trust you. (the person who promises me that s/he will do it for me…)
9. I wish somehow I could know you better. (the persons I find amazing…)
10. Will you marry me? (hangover sentence...)
________________________________________

Nine Things About Yourself

1. Six sigma certified in cooking yellow daal.
2. Not the person who you can befriend at first sight.
3. Great movies fan. Currently watching top 250 movies of imdb, one by one.
4. A little negligent in worldly affairs. Accounts, politics, shopping, appointments – ‘I do them tomorrow…’
5. I drink lot of juices and eat lots of honey. He he…
6. Capricorn with scorpion traces!
7. I like being by myself, but enjoy some very few precious companies. Not the outgoing sort!
8. Hopelessly romantic.
9. Emotionally confused. But technically sound. He he…
_________________________________________________

Eight Ways To Win Your Heart

1. Heart felt smile!
2. Intelligence.
3. Simplicity – in attire, personality and speech.
4. By being yourself. By being true to what you believe.
5. By giving me a world tour ticket.
6. By listening to me and in between by saying ‘hmmm…’.
7. By telling me everything about yourself.
8. Free lunch/movie providers are always welcome heart winners.
________________________________________________

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot

1. What the fuck am I doing here?
2. Why don’t these people stop talking and start working?
3. What’s that?
4. Truth is not always synonymous with honesty (The Departed)
5. I am going to do this in my next life.
6. Hope is a good thing, perhaps the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. (The Shawshank Redemption)
7. It could have been better.
_____________________________________________

Six Things You Wish You Could Do or Could Have Done

1. I wish I could go out and grab some lunch. But this hangover! Duh..!
2. I wish I could continue a healthy life routine.
3. I wish I could do the things I could have done. He he..
4. I wish I could be a better speaker.
5. I wish I could read minds. He he..
6. I wish I could take it easy.
_____________________________________________

Five Turn-Offs

1. Pretension.
2. Dishonest lies.
3. Talk… talk… talk...
4. SRK/Govinda’s movies.
5. Discussing people on their back.
________________________________________________

Four Turn-Ons

1. Simplicity.
2. Countryside drive.
3. Metallica/LP/Carla Bruni etc etc's Songs.
4. Scorsese/Amir Khan etc etc’s movies.
______________________________________________

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die

1. Go to Andaman Nicobar Islands, Leh, Gangtok blah blah places.
2. Write one book.
3. Find out what was this life all about after all!
________________________________________________

Two Smileys that Describe You

:)

:P
______________________________________________

One Confession

Oh! My hair line is receding faster than the economy of USA. He he...

orphan...

lost in the crowd of memories there stands an orphan child
whose innocence was overrun by the world going wild
choking throat, moist eyes his fists are closed, lips tight
he feels betrayed, he knows this could never be his fight...

he was forced to grow it was never his free will
the burden of heavy dreams he is carrying to fulfill
he never says, never moves to the ground his feet are stuck
he looks around and wonders if this is his final luck...

he awaits a brother to carry him to places
he wishes for a mother's affectionate embraces
he looks for a direction, he's afraid where he must go
he wishes he had a father to teach him how to let go...

soft emotions turned hard stone
tough and arrogant he refuses to conform
now he can't remember when he last smiled
he keeps pretending, this god's lonely child…

remember the name...

veni vedi LSE...

There are some very few people, after talking to them you feel delighted and refreshed even though your intimate views differ greatly. Dindu is not one of them.

Dindu: laughs… What? Where did you go? Laughs… People go to London to visit Thames, Tower of London, London Eye, Oxford Street, Leicester, Birmingham and Greenwich kind of world famous places…! More than this desi-lads go there to visit a strip-club. And where are you saying you visited?

Me: LSE man. London School of Economics and Political Science!

Dindu: London school of economics aa? What were you doing there? Who allowed you inside?

Me: I just went inside. To see the place where JFK, KR Narayanan, Amartya Sen, Bertrand Russell and GB Shaw kind of people once studied.

Dindu: laughs… laughs… laughs… What for man? You could have gone to some pub or some stripclub man… They studied there, fine. That doesn't mean you should go there.

Me: Dae! Luus paiyya... See man, the learning in our lives has come to a virtual dead end, so I was just thinking of studying in LSE in my next life. I thought that I will get some good energy from the place and that will help me in my after life. I even bought essays of Milton Friedman and LSE publication of Macroeconomics from the shop there in the campus.

Dindu: laughs… laughs… laughs… a***ole!

Me: f**k yourself man! Hung up the phone

Dindu couldn’t digest the idea of me visiting LSE. But for me LSE was more important than anything else. I haven’t visited much of the London. Not because I didn’t get the opportunity but because I don’t have any desire left to roam around like a tourist and get my pictures clicked in front of buildings, statues and pictures to show them off later. Duh! Nope!

There is a strange dissatisfaction in life which makes me depressed every now and then. I fall to the levels of fatalistic thoughts. Tch! I am not so weak to accept my fate, and I am not so strong to create it on my own. And so, I keep searching for something.

I mean... if a person is asleep and dreaming and his sleep gets disturbed, you can give him a more comfortable warm bed and better dreams to get him back to sleep. But when a person knows he is asleep and dreaming and he is disturbed that he is dreaming and he wants to wake up, what would you do with him...

Anyhow. It's difficult to understand one's own self. Long way to go. The world awaits.