Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
low man's lyric...
"Every adult, whether he is a follower or a leader, a member of a mass or of an elite, was once a child. He was once small. A sense of smallness forms a substratum in his mind, ineradicably. His triumphs will be measured against this smallness, his defeats will substantiate it. The questions as to who is bigger and who can do or not do this or that, and to whom—these questions fill the adult’s inner life far beyond the necessities and the desirabilities which he understands and for which he plans." - Erik H. Erikson
Thursday, June 26, 2008
weak as i am...
The weak are more likely to make the strong weak than the strong are likely to make the weak strong. -Marlene Dietrich.
Monday, June 23, 2008
creep...
A person does not feel miserable because of the unfavorable, dark and painful things surrounding his or her life. Real cause of misery is the belief which has roots deep down in the heart of the person, that s/he is not capable, not strong enough to make choices or to change things. To reap the crop of confidence and satisfaction one needs to cultivate strength, but if one cultivates weakness, one reaps the harvest of fear and misery.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
dindu's asstrology...
I am a believer of astrology. May be because I was a susceptible kid and I used to hang around with my late-grandfather (may his soul rest in peace) while he prepared the horoscopes for some people and gave harmless advices to other believers about when ‘the eleventh day of shukla paksha is’ or ‘when the full moon really begins’ or ‘when to break the amavasya vrata’ or ‘when the dreadful panchak yoga will end’ etc. A distinguishing skill is always a cool thing to have. Unfortunately grandfather passed away before I could actually learn some advanced tips or tricks. But I received from my grandpa’s legacy one astrology software which could give some charts and generic forecasting about a person if one knows his date, time and place of birth.
I tried impressing Dindu one day with this software. But Dindu didn’t believe in astrology. His mind is pseudo-scientific (because if it was scientific then he surely would have believed in astrology). Questions like ‘how can a planet affect a human being’, ‘if two people are born at the same time, at the same place will they have same life/future’, ‘if planets decide everything then what are we doing here’ etc. inhibit his juvenile intellect. He even went to the extent of insulting astrology by mistyping it ‘asstrology’ whenever we had online discussions on the subject. He didn’t know that astrology is not for knowing the fate of a person, but to plan for the contingencies that arise because of the forces stronger than human beings. It’s like this - if you hear the forecast on the radio that it is going to rain, then you can plan to take umbrella with you. That’s what astrology is about – ‘this is what the big guys (planets, stars, constellations…) are planning in near future, how are you going to deal with it’.
Anyhow, I took Dindu’s date, time and place of birth, fed into this software I had bequeathed, and told him – ‘Machi! From May 11th to June 13th this year, Venus is squaring with Mars and Sun around Gemini, Cancer and Virgo; be careful with the girls, stay at home on Fridays.’ But he didn’t listen to me and eventually he was caught in the heavy rain without the umbrella.
Dindu was hanging around with this girl for a few months now and on Friday the June 13th he took her to a Starbucks somewhere in Chennai. Then they went to watch ‘Gone Baby Gone’ at the local multiplex. Later in the night when Dindu went to drop her home, while she was closing the door of her house Dindu asked ‘Can I kiss you?’ Instead of kissing the gentleman she asked ‘Do you love me?’ It took Dindu some time to gather what just struck him. I know the first thing that would have crossed his mind was my advice ‘be careful with the girls, stay at home on Fridays’. But now it was too late and he had to answer the most frightening question he could imagine.
He tried starting with a smile and a long ‘hmmmmm…’ which was cut short by ‘Do you love me or not?’
Dindu said ‘I don’t want to answer this question because it…’
The girl snapped ‘Then why do want to kiss me? Why are we wasting all this time? $*** $** $*** **$*blah blah**$$**$*$*$’ I can imagine it was all special character conversation for a while. I mean, we all know a lot of people get impressed by such stereotype melodramas of the movies and TV serials. She snapped the door in front of Dindu and tambi’s Ethmoid bone had narrow escape from a lifetime fracture. From the moment of door snapping, for three days Dindu didn’t come out of his home. Apparently, the girl had mailed him the unprintable epitaphs of their friendship. Dindu didn’t know what got her suddenly, he had asked only for a kiss, not for all her hair!
After listening to Dindu’s tragic booby trap situation he had got into, I tried consoling the man.
Me: Come one man! Forget what happened. Move on.
Dindu: No macha! It was my mistake also. I shouldn’t have asked for the kiss.
Me: Oh come on man! That’s no fault of yours. But are you looking only for sex or do you see a future of this relationship?
Dindu: I don’t know man, there could have been a future, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I had just asked. God knows if I had kissed her without asking I would have been dead by now.
Me: If you don’t want ‘only sex’ then what are you really looking for?
Dindu: I don’t know man! May be I just want to know more about her! I don’t know her completely, how can I say whether I love her or not. Now she is not even giving me a chance to explain what I feel.
Me: Well, you could have also asked her whether she loves you or not!
Dindu: And if she had said ‘yes’ what would I say. I don’t want to make a commitment now and later back out. And she does not understand this.
Me: Well, you need to identify what is the basis of your relationship or friendship or whatever sinking-ship it is now!
Dindu: ?
Me: I mean people become friends with each other because of various reasons. Two people complain about the same thing or hate the same thing – they become friends. Two people are afraid of same thing – they become friends. Two people gossip about the same thing/people – they become friends. Such friendships don’t last longer than a Twenty20 match. What kind are you?
Dindu: Well, I can’t say. But this one was a little stronger. Our likes and dislikes matched, though some conflicts were there, yet we are, actually were easy going – but I don’t know, I won’t say it was so strong that I can commit myself for life.
Me: Then you have to tell her the same thing. See, the real test of the ‘-ship’ is when you both face challenges together, trust each other with almost like a bird trusts its wings – otherwise you cannot really go anywhere with the ‘-ship’. People stay together for all their life, but very few develop a strong relationship.
Dindu: Right man! But she is not even answering my calls. I don’t want both of us looking like fools in the future who made a stupid decision because of storming hormones or whatever TV dramas and movies they watched. I don’t want both of us to become each other’s weakness. I want her to become my strength and in turn I will become her strength.
Me: Macha! You already know the answer. Just let her be with herself for sometime. Let her logical self take over her emotional self and then you go and talk to her face to face. If she understands your point then you will know you can go forward, if she doesn’t understand and starts bullifying you, then you will know she is NOT the ‘one’.
Dindu: Ok man! I will do that. But before talking to her, I will give you a call to know if that is the right time for me to go and talk…
Me: What do you mean? I have already given you whatever I could say about the subject…
Dindu: No macha! I mean about the astrology thing. I mean, the day I go and talk to her, my planets should be at the right places…
I tried impressing Dindu one day with this software. But Dindu didn’t believe in astrology. His mind is pseudo-scientific (because if it was scientific then he surely would have believed in astrology). Questions like ‘how can a planet affect a human being’, ‘if two people are born at the same time, at the same place will they have same life/future’, ‘if planets decide everything then what are we doing here’ etc. inhibit his juvenile intellect. He even went to the extent of insulting astrology by mistyping it ‘asstrology’ whenever we had online discussions on the subject. He didn’t know that astrology is not for knowing the fate of a person, but to plan for the contingencies that arise because of the forces stronger than human beings. It’s like this - if you hear the forecast on the radio that it is going to rain, then you can plan to take umbrella with you. That’s what astrology is about – ‘this is what the big guys (planets, stars, constellations…) are planning in near future, how are you going to deal with it’.
Anyhow, I took Dindu’s date, time and place of birth, fed into this software I had bequeathed, and told him – ‘Machi! From May 11th to June 13th this year, Venus is squaring with Mars and Sun around Gemini, Cancer and Virgo; be careful with the girls, stay at home on Fridays.’ But he didn’t listen to me and eventually he was caught in the heavy rain without the umbrella.Dindu was hanging around with this girl for a few months now and on Friday the June 13th he took her to a Starbucks somewhere in Chennai. Then they went to watch ‘Gone Baby Gone’ at the local multiplex. Later in the night when Dindu went to drop her home, while she was closing the door of her house Dindu asked ‘Can I kiss you?’ Instead of kissing the gentleman she asked ‘Do you love me?’ It took Dindu some time to gather what just struck him. I know the first thing that would have crossed his mind was my advice ‘be careful with the girls, stay at home on Fridays’. But now it was too late and he had to answer the most frightening question he could imagine.
He tried starting with a smile and a long ‘hmmmmm…’ which was cut short by ‘Do you love me or not?’
Dindu said ‘I don’t want to answer this question because it…’
The girl snapped ‘Then why do want to kiss me? Why are we wasting all this time? $*** $** $*** **$*blah blah**$$**$*$*$’ I can imagine it was all special character conversation for a while. I mean, we all know a lot of people get impressed by such stereotype melodramas of the movies and TV serials. She snapped the door in front of Dindu and tambi’s Ethmoid bone had narrow escape from a lifetime fracture. From the moment of door snapping, for three days Dindu didn’t come out of his home. Apparently, the girl had mailed him the unprintable epitaphs of their friendship. Dindu didn’t know what got her suddenly, he had asked only for a kiss, not for all her hair!
After listening to Dindu’s tragic booby trap situation he had got into, I tried consoling the man.
Me: Come one man! Forget what happened. Move on.
Dindu: No macha! It was my mistake also. I shouldn’t have asked for the kiss.
Me: Oh come on man! That’s no fault of yours. But are you looking only for sex or do you see a future of this relationship?
Dindu: I don’t know man, there could have been a future, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I had just asked. God knows if I had kissed her without asking I would have been dead by now.
Me: If you don’t want ‘only sex’ then what are you really looking for?
Dindu: I don’t know man! May be I just want to know more about her! I don’t know her completely, how can I say whether I love her or not. Now she is not even giving me a chance to explain what I feel.
Me: Well, you could have also asked her whether she loves you or not!
Dindu: And if she had said ‘yes’ what would I say. I don’t want to make a commitment now and later back out. And she does not understand this.
Me: Well, you need to identify what is the basis of your relationship or friendship or whatever sinking-ship it is now!
Dindu: ?
Me: I mean people become friends with each other because of various reasons. Two people complain about the same thing or hate the same thing – they become friends. Two people are afraid of same thing – they become friends. Two people gossip about the same thing/people – they become friends. Such friendships don’t last longer than a Twenty20 match. What kind are you?
Dindu: Well, I can’t say. But this one was a little stronger. Our likes and dislikes matched, though some conflicts were there, yet we are, actually were easy going – but I don’t know, I won’t say it was so strong that I can commit myself for life.
Me: Then you have to tell her the same thing. See, the real test of the ‘-ship’ is when you both face challenges together, trust each other with almost like a bird trusts its wings – otherwise you cannot really go anywhere with the ‘-ship’. People stay together for all their life, but very few develop a strong relationship.
Dindu: Right man! But she is not even answering my calls. I don’t want both of us looking like fools in the future who made a stupid decision because of storming hormones or whatever TV dramas and movies they watched. I don’t want both of us to become each other’s weakness. I want her to become my strength and in turn I will become her strength.
Me: Macha! You already know the answer. Just let her be with herself for sometime. Let her logical self take over her emotional self and then you go and talk to her face to face. If she understands your point then you will know you can go forward, if she doesn’t understand and starts bullifying you, then you will know she is NOT the ‘one’.
Dindu: Ok man! I will do that. But before talking to her, I will give you a call to know if that is the right time for me to go and talk…
Me: What do you mean? I have already given you whatever I could say about the subject…
Dindu: No macha! I mean about the astrology thing. I mean, the day I go and talk to her, my planets should be at the right places…
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
let go...
There are decisive moments when I ask 'how will it affect my future?' I allow the fear of distant uncertainty decide my present, when I should actually let the certainty of present shape my future.
Monday, June 16, 2008
viva la vida...
People are running towards a dead-end. How does it matter if one hits the wall today, yesterday or tomorrow. Faster one runs, harder he's going to get hit...
only time...
It's always wise to get a good glance of the reality before cultivating any dream. Because...
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
idea(tic) indigestion...
Dindu isn’t very happy with his legendary name – Dindigul Krishnamachary Senthil Santhosh Srinivasan. Somebody told him his name sounds more like IUPAC name of an organic compound, something like 1-iso-2-cyno-tetra-butanoic acid. I told him - ‘what’s in a name machi, dindu who lives in chennai will remain dindu by any other name’. It gave him some confidence and last time when he left the conversation he was headed towards the beach near his house, for solitude or for sinking his ass in Bay of Bengal - no idea, until...
After a few days, Dindu pings me long distance and says:
Dindu: Macha! I have found out a great secret of life.
Me: Hey!!! Good man! What is it? Some fountain of youth or something, or some money tree, or a power to read other people’s minds, or the answer to 'why-the-hell-am-I-doing-my-job'?
Dindu: Tch, no da! It’s the omnipresent law, the simple fact, which is so common that common man fails to see it.
Me: Duh! What’s that?
Dindu: A common man sees other people the same way s/he sees a tree.
Me: Ohhhkk!!! Silence for a couple of seconds… more silence…
Me: So??? What does that mean?
Dindu: What I mean is, when an average person comes in contact with some other person or thing, s/he judges the person or the thing with the immediate knowledge about the person or the thing and the way that information is correlated to the person who is making the judgment.
Me: Ok! I don’t understand a thing.
Dindu: Figuratively, a person looks at the branches of the tree and says tree is like this or like that. Very few care about the roots of the tree. Also, the judgment might differ depending on the current state of interest of the person.
Me: How?
Dindu: Assume there is a huge tree with lot of branches and leaves. Now, if a person wants to take shelter from the sun or the rain and comes across this tree, this is in interest of the person – the tree is a haven. If a person wants to build a house on the same spot as the tree or a person’s kite is stuck in the tree, then the tree becomes trouble. You see?
Me: So? How does this relate to person to person relations?
Dindu: Similarly, when a person comes in contact with other person, the quality and strength of this contact link depends on their immediate state of interest and their immediate knowledge about each other.
Me: But who has the time to dig the earth and look at the roots?
Dindu: That’s the reason of failure of so many relationships. It’s like two beggars begging each other assuming that the other is an emperor. Eventually they come to realize that both of them are beggars and then they fall apart (source). Moreover, if you are looking for diamonds you’ve got to dig, if you want dust it’s everywhere!
Me: Whoa, that's heavy! I will get indigestion man. Phew! What the heck are you eating these days?
Dindu: Dae! Nothing da... I am just spending more time in the beach…
Me: Tch! Ok da, after this over dose of your brain, I need to go pinch a loaf…
Dindu: Dae fu****r!
Me: Can’t stop man!!! Meanwhile check this. Bye bye…
Dindu: Puranboka. Wait!!!!
After a few days, Dindu pings me long distance and says:
Dindu: Macha! I have found out a great secret of life.
Me: Hey!!! Good man! What is it? Some fountain of youth or something, or some money tree, or a power to read other people’s minds, or the answer to 'why-the-hell-am-I-doing-my-job'?
Dindu: Tch, no da! It’s the omnipresent law, the simple fact, which is so common that common man fails to see it.
Me: Duh! What’s that?
Dindu: A common man sees other people the same way s/he sees a tree.
Me: Ohhhkk!!! Silence for a couple of seconds… more silence…
Me: So??? What does that mean?
Dindu: What I mean is, when an average person comes in contact with some other person or thing, s/he judges the person or the thing with the immediate knowledge about the person or the thing and the way that information is correlated to the person who is making the judgment.
Me: Ok! I don’t understand a thing.
Dindu: Figuratively, a person looks at the branches of the tree and says tree is like this or like that. Very few care about the roots of the tree. Also, the judgment might differ depending on the current state of interest of the person.
Me: How?
Dindu: Assume there is a huge tree with lot of branches and leaves. Now, if a person wants to take shelter from the sun or the rain and comes across this tree, this is in interest of the person – the tree is a haven. If a person wants to build a house on the same spot as the tree or a person’s kite is stuck in the tree, then the tree becomes trouble. You see?
Me: So? How does this relate to person to person relations?
Dindu: Similarly, when a person comes in contact with other person, the quality and strength of this contact link depends on their immediate state of interest and their immediate knowledge about each other.
Me: But who has the time to dig the earth and look at the roots?
Dindu: That’s the reason of failure of so many relationships. It’s like two beggars begging each other assuming that the other is an emperor. Eventually they come to realize that both of them are beggars and then they fall apart (source). Moreover, if you are looking for diamonds you’ve got to dig, if you want dust it’s everywhere!
Me: Whoa, that's heavy! I will get indigestion man. Phew! What the heck are you eating these days?Dindu: Dae! Nothing da... I am just spending more time in the beach…
Me: Tch! Ok da, after this over dose of your brain, I need to go pinch a loaf…
Dindu: Dae fu****r!
Me: Can’t stop man!!! Meanwhile check this. Bye bye…
Dindu: Puranboka. Wait!!!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
history repeats itself...
You can run, you can hide, but you cannot escape it... This time it seems viruses were waiting in the waters of the swimming pool. Oh! sneeze... sneeze... cough... cough... When will we find cure for common cold! Given following statistics, scientists should seriously get some medicine to eradicate it. Something like, the vaccinations that happen when you are a kid and then the country becomes disease free! cough... cough... sneeeeezee...
Thursday, May 22, 2008
readme...
This is a lot of pressure. Meaningless, but undeniable. I don't want to listen to anyone anymore, my anger is about to spill over my patience. Moments when I want to be heard but there is no one to listen to me. And I cannot make anything out of my own words. Mostly noise. I am cultivating a volcano with boiling words, blistering me from inside.
I paint graffiti of my thoughts - result of unheard, incomprehensible voices screaming inside. Desperate attempts to be free from this noise. I wonder - what's the purpose of words - to create noise, or to create silence...
I paint graffiti of my thoughts - result of unheard, incomprehensible voices screaming inside. Desperate attempts to be free from this noise. I wonder - what's the purpose of words - to create noise, or to create silence...
Saturday, May 10, 2008
only when words outperform silence...
why ravish the purityof ignorance
with all the pretense..
why cover the sanctity
of silence
with prejudices of words..
why hide from reality
to escape the fear
and weakness of heart..
why borrow the noise
from the world
and make it louder..
why not just grow
with the elegance
of simplicity..
and speak out
only when the words
outperform silence..
Monday, May 5, 2008
the G-gap...
I don't know why am I feeling isolated and claustrophobic at the same time. These are those moments of emotional enigma when a person wants to just let himself fall wherever he is falling. When a person wants to lose all control, without losing his dignity. When a person wants to reveal all his dark secrets without any fear of getting judged. When a person wants to let go all his fears and vent off all his anger without being misunderstood. When a person wants to die without killing himself and with an assurance that he will be resurrected again. At these intense defining moments, a person wants to fall back on someone or something. And "family" is the first (if not obvious) choice. Lucky are those who can fall back on their families, who can share their thoughts without any hesitations. But if the family is like the safety net with a big hole, which you know if you fall back on, you are going to hit the ground, then what?
I am not very proud to say that I am not very proud of my family. I do owe every material necessity provided to me, but ultimately everyone realizes that life is more than just material. I can't understand them, they can't understand me. We are the strangers with the same blood.
Blame it on the generation gap. Youth is always in rebellion against the old. People always say - children grow up and become reason for the misery of their parents. But nobody asks why don't parents grow up with their children? Why do they still remain glued with their old traditions and principles? Why don't their ideas change with the changing times? Growing up is not the same as growing old, right? I refuse to live with a meaningless devotion. I cannot pretend!
May be it is the destiny of the bourgeois. They are doomed to live with their unspoken disagreements, which with time grow into generation gaps. The generation before me, hails from the times of fresh air of Independence and democracy, India-China India-Pak wars and state of Emergency. Those were the events which shaped their susceptible young minds. They saw India begging foreign countries for food, they saw Indian economy collapse, they saw their rights being taken away from them and people getting forcibly sterlized. They hardly left their families for study or work. Getting a job (with government) was the end of their struggle, that was all they wanted. They retired with their first job. They were emotionally and sometimes even financially dependent on their families. Every crucial decision of their life was taken by their elders. They virtually lived life designed by other people's decisions. Because they had too many of their relatives around all the time, they could never understand the importance of a family. There is no surprise that they believed (and sadly still do) in playing it safe all the time.
I am a different generation. 9/11 is the darkest event marked in my mind. I know life is no longer safe and certain. India is no longer begging for food, India is the second giant in this huge race of scarcity and wants. India looks straight into the face of world and says what it wants to say. World knows India is the next super power in making. There are unlimited opportunities all around. I have lived my impressionable years away from the family, independent - emotionally and financially - with dreams of making it big one day. I believe in risking it all. Getting a job is just the beginning of a race for me, not the end. Today, there is always a long way to go.
When one generation fails to get into the shoes of the other - gap creeps in. Countless arguments follow from both the sides, and emotional burdens start getting heavy. Opinions get polarized and there are supporters on both the sides to fight till death for something which could have been resolved with a little open talk, patience and sacrifice. But Alas! We prefer to live with sullen resentments, disagreements mean animosity to us.
This cannot be changed in one day. This is the result of five decades. But may be at least I can prevent this rot from spreading down to my posterity. I would rather tell my son - 'Son, I am old, but I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me, I will be fine. If you need any help, let me know. But just remember, now I don't want to hear from you; I want to hear about you. I want people coming to me and telling stories about you. Go and do what you want to do, become what you want to become.'
I am not very proud to say that I am not very proud of my family. I do owe every material necessity provided to me, but ultimately everyone realizes that life is more than just material. I can't understand them, they can't understand me. We are the strangers with the same blood.
Blame it on the generation gap. Youth is always in rebellion against the old. People always say - children grow up and become reason for the misery of their parents. But nobody asks why don't parents grow up with their children? Why do they still remain glued with their old traditions and principles? Why don't their ideas change with the changing times? Growing up is not the same as growing old, right? I refuse to live with a meaningless devotion. I cannot pretend!
May be it is the destiny of the bourgeois. They are doomed to live with their unspoken disagreements, which with time grow into generation gaps. The generation before me, hails from the times of fresh air of Independence and democracy, India-China India-Pak wars and state of Emergency. Those were the events which shaped their susceptible young minds. They saw India begging foreign countries for food, they saw Indian economy collapse, they saw their rights being taken away from them and people getting forcibly sterlized. They hardly left their families for study or work. Getting a job (with government) was the end of their struggle, that was all they wanted. They retired with their first job. They were emotionally and sometimes even financially dependent on their families. Every crucial decision of their life was taken by their elders. They virtually lived life designed by other people's decisions. Because they had too many of their relatives around all the time, they could never understand the importance of a family. There is no surprise that they believed (and sadly still do) in playing it safe all the time. I am a different generation. 9/11 is the darkest event marked in my mind. I know life is no longer safe and certain. India is no longer begging for food, India is the second giant in this huge race of scarcity and wants. India looks straight into the face of world and says what it wants to say. World knows India is the next super power in making. There are unlimited opportunities all around. I have lived my impressionable years away from the family, independent - emotionally and financially - with dreams of making it big one day. I believe in risking it all. Getting a job is just the beginning of a race for me, not the end. Today, there is always a long way to go.
When one generation fails to get into the shoes of the other - gap creeps in. Countless arguments follow from both the sides, and emotional burdens start getting heavy. Opinions get polarized and there are supporters on both the sides to fight till death for something which could have been resolved with a little open talk, patience and sacrifice. But Alas! We prefer to live with sullen resentments, disagreements mean animosity to us.
This cannot be changed in one day. This is the result of five decades. But may be at least I can prevent this rot from spreading down to my posterity. I would rather tell my son - 'Son, I am old, but I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me, I will be fine. If you need any help, let me know. But just remember, now I don't want to hear from you; I want to hear about you. I want people coming to me and telling stories about you. Go and do what you want to do, become what you want to become.'
Thursday, May 1, 2008
understanding thought...
Questions I have in mind right now are:
1. Why thoughts come in my brain?
2. At times, why can’t I choose what to think?
3. Can this process of thought creation and propagation be brought under my control?
When I think, I don’t think linearly – which I presume is the case with most of people. Most of thoughts are jumbled. There is no absolute start and absolute end of a thought. Stories don’t always begin with ‘once upon a time…’ and end with ‘happily ever after…’ Definitions are the things which people arrive at the end of a subject.
After a lot of analysis I have come to the conclusion that my thoughts are basically of two kinds:
1. Ones which are the result of instant situations. E.g. I look at the clouds with a relatively blank brain and I become the thought – ‘Oh! What a nice weather!’ or ‘Oh! Today there is no work!’
2. Others which are the result of the previous ones. E.g. ‘I think it is going to rain’, ‘The wind is so fast’, ‘I was once caught in a storm’, ‘Storms are bad’, ‘Many people died because of cyclone in Orissa’, ‘Why do people die’ and so on…. Or ‘I don’t know what to do’, ‘Why am I doing this job’, ‘I never wanted to do this kind of work’, ‘So-and-so is working in so-and-so company’, ‘That company is far better than mine’, ‘Oh this sucks’ and so on…
Earlier I used to think that action is different from speaking and thinking. But now, I realized that thinking and speaking is just another form of action. The physical, tangible form of action that I see at the outermost level is a result of the actions (i.e. thinking and speaking) at the micro level.
At the bottom of every action lies a thought – conscious or unconscious. While walking in the crowd I never think that I should avoid hitting anyone – that comes instinctively or unconsciously. But while making a choice when buying chocolates or a mobile phone – I think consciously.
Now – what lies below thought? I don’t know.
I think, thought is another form of energy, E=MC*C, which can neither be created nor be destroyed, just transformed from one form to another. The food that I eat gets digested inside my body and becomes energy. This energy keeps changing forms and blood keeps getting pumped into the brain which in turn keeps stimulating the billions of neural links which are there. That in turn stimulates the area of my brain which knows that I am thinking and finally I realize that, one thought crossed my brain.
Now, this stimulation and realization process is pretty weak and without any control mechanism. Brain is like an overloaded hard drive and its operating system is filled with unnecessary processes. Ultimately what I see is a slow running system with highly uncertain, unpredictable behaviour.
Well, what I think is totally dependent on how I have formed my first thoughts about my surroundings throughout all these years I have grown up. My brain is a machine of stimuli and responses.
But then I think – ‘Is there an end to thought?’
They keep changing, with time, with surroundings, with people, with seasons.
Can I stop my brain from thinking?
I don’t know.
1. Why thoughts come in my brain?
2. At times, why can’t I choose what to think?
3. Can this process of thought creation and propagation be brought under my control?
When I think, I don’t think linearly – which I presume is the case with most of people. Most of thoughts are jumbled. There is no absolute start and absolute end of a thought. Stories don’t always begin with ‘once upon a time…’ and end with ‘happily ever after…’ Definitions are the things which people arrive at the end of a subject.
After a lot of analysis I have come to the conclusion that my thoughts are basically of two kinds:
1. Ones which are the result of instant situations. E.g. I look at the clouds with a relatively blank brain and I become the thought – ‘Oh! What a nice weather!’ or ‘Oh! Today there is no work!’
2. Others which are the result of the previous ones. E.g. ‘I think it is going to rain’, ‘The wind is so fast’, ‘I was once caught in a storm’, ‘Storms are bad’, ‘Many people died because of cyclone in Orissa’, ‘Why do people die’ and so on…. Or ‘I don’t know what to do’, ‘Why am I doing this job’, ‘I never wanted to do this kind of work’, ‘So-and-so is working in so-and-so company’, ‘That company is far better than mine’, ‘Oh this sucks’ and so on…
Earlier I used to think that action is different from speaking and thinking. But now, I realized that thinking and speaking is just another form of action. The physical, tangible form of action that I see at the outermost level is a result of the actions (i.e. thinking and speaking) at the micro level.
At the bottom of every action lies a thought – conscious or unconscious. While walking in the crowd I never think that I should avoid hitting anyone – that comes instinctively or unconsciously. But while making a choice when buying chocolates or a mobile phone – I think consciously.
Now – what lies below thought? I don’t know.
I think, thought is another form of energy, E=MC*C, which can neither be created nor be destroyed, just transformed from one form to another. The food that I eat gets digested inside my body and becomes energy. This energy keeps changing forms and blood keeps getting pumped into the brain which in turn keeps stimulating the billions of neural links which are there. That in turn stimulates the area of my brain which knows that I am thinking and finally I realize that, one thought crossed my brain.
Now, this stimulation and realization process is pretty weak and without any control mechanism. Brain is like an overloaded hard drive and its operating system is filled with unnecessary processes. Ultimately what I see is a slow running system with highly uncertain, unpredictable behaviour.
Well, what I think is totally dependent on how I have formed my first thoughts about my surroundings throughout all these years I have grown up. My brain is a machine of stimuli and responses.
But then I think – ‘Is there an end to thought?’
They keep changing, with time, with surroundings, with people, with seasons.
Can I stop my brain from thinking?
I don’t know.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
am i me...
and i tryto put words together
to somehow make sentences
and give shape to the vagueness
of my feeble thoughts..
one contradicts the other
one loves, other hates
one agrees, other debates
and i always try to know
which one is the me..
questions
one after another
striking my tired mind
breaking all
which were once built
my defences shattered..
i look for answers
amidst this duality
of my only certainty, asking
am i the seeker
or am i the sought
am i the thinker
or am i the thought..
Monday, April 21, 2008
incomplete hunger...
is desire weakness,
is hunger a curse?
questions, desires, longings
unanswered, unfulfilled, ignored
turn into rebellion, greed and lust
or nescience, deficiency and doom..
and answered incorrectly
fulfilled carelessly
tendered without elegance
become
delusion, conceit and a senseless hope..
Ah, hunger wasted!
what is done
becomes the doer
the eater and the eaten
eventually become one..
knowing answers is not enough
learning their value is important
earning the desires is essential
buying them isn't all..
every moment of hunger wasted
is a chance lost to evolve..
is hunger a curse?
questions, desires, longings
unanswered, unfulfilled, ignored
turn into rebellion, greed and lust
or nescience, deficiency and doom..
and answered incorrectly
fulfilled carelessly
tendered without elegance
become
delusion, conceit and a senseless hope..
Ah, hunger wasted!what is done
becomes the doer
the eater and the eaten
eventually become one..
knowing answers is not enough
learning their value is important
earning the desires is essential
buying them isn't all..
every moment of hunger wasted
is a chance lost to evolve..
incomplete anger...
can't stretch any furtheryour limits are challenged;
you've had enough
once again
you're about to explode
but afraid
where the pieces
of your anger will fall;
worried
will you be able to
gather those torn pieces
and put yourself together,
instincts fight against
every reason you give
and
you just hope
there was a place
where you had chances
of not losing your sanity
even after defeating yourself
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