on adoption...

Apparently Priya was floored by a movie dipicting the cause of adoption, that is, a family legally taking the responsibility of a child who does not belong to them biologically. Keywords here are 'family', 'responsibility', 'child' and perhaps 'belong' too. Priya has written earnestly about the subject in her blog, to which I am adding a few points from my judgment. (Note: I, also, recently happened to watch the movie 'Gone Baby Gone' which is a very intense depiction about the similar subject, but may be from a completely different angle).

First question that comes to my mind is - 'Why does a child need to get adopted at the first place?' Natural disasters (Tsunamis, earthquakes), I think, are the primary cause of leaving behind in their wake deprived, orphaned children. Other causes can be parents meeting an unnatural demise, or parents abondoning their child because they don't have resources to bring up the child.

Then the next question is 'Whose need is it getting fulfilled by adoption - the child's or the parent's?' I think, answer here would be both sides, child's being a little overweighing because of its susceptibility and vulnerability.

Then 'Why is it always parent's responsibility to take care of every need of the children?' I think, children must be the responsibility of the community first, then family's. Why are we so sure that without a family a child can never have a good life? Why is community so prejudiced when it comes to giving and so open when it comes to taking? Community must provide every child the basic resources and values, parents should be there to monitor the day to day growth of the child. 'Community' here can be a very confusing term open to all kinds of interpretations. But, for a moment, just honestly think about it with an open mind - think of five families together taking care of a child and the amount of affection and knowledge that child gets entitled to.

Then 'Why do couples seek children?' If it is because of social pressure, or following the crowd routine, or i-don't-know, then those couples don't deserve to be parents. Such people look for an emotional crutch because of which they get married to each other, and later have children. Such relationships always end up in a disastrous failure.

Genes are really very important here. Genes are the building blocks of an individual. And if there is any fault in them you cannot really do anything about that. Anyhow, that is beyond the control of man, so we can only respectfully accept the fact. But labeling the genetic fact as 'good blood' or 'bad blood' is the result of many bright years of bollywood and cable TV - it's not a gospel coming from heavens. The great Mrityunjaya (Karna) of Mahabharata is still struggling to find a place for his talents, but always gets judged by his cast.

Whether a child must know that he or she was adopted? Well, ofcourse! The problem with parents most of the times (especially with Indian parents) is that majority of them don't talk to their children with honesty. They always believe that things must be understood without stating them. That's impossible. This gap between parent and child has to be removed. They don't reason with their children, they think that authority will do its work all the time. But then children grow up and authority goes away. We really need reasonable people who can be reasonable parents.

Then issues like 'incapable parents, after adopting a child magically get their own biological child' or 'the biological parents of the child are still alive, and the child wants to meet them' are more related to the individual's intelligence about dealing with complicated relationship problems rather than adoption. We can see real life examples around our neighborhoods, of two biological brothers being treated differently, because of the immaturity of the couple. Children don't want to see their own father and mother. Such issues have never ceased to exist and will continue unless people wake up and see for themselves what is good and bad for them, and not what others think about what is good and what is bad for them.

First lines from Gone Baby Gone:

I always believed it was the things you don't choose that makes you who you are. Your city, your neighbourhood, your family. People here take pride in these things, like it was something they'd accomplished. The bodies around their souls, the cities wrapped around those. I lived on this block my whole life; most of these people have. When your job is to find people who are missing, it helps to know where they started. I find the people who started in the cracks and then fell through. This city can be hard. When I was young, I asked my priest how you could get to heaven and still protect yourself from all the evil in the world. He told me what God said to His children: "You are sheep among wolves. Be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves"