Monday, October 29, 2007

peeing off the pressure...

GPD growth is about to touch double digits, FII flows are no more flows, they are in spate, Sensex is almost kissing 20k, even the CEO's are saying get the life first then try to balance it:
When asked about the importance of work-life balance, ICICI Bank CEO KV Kamath said: "In the history of our evolution, we are in a phase where work comes first, then life, and then you think of balance.'' Agreed Bharti Airtel chairman Sunil Mittal: "This is our time. If we spend the time in building the nation, we can afford to relax later. We have no time to think about work-life balance." Is anyone surprised, then, that Mr Kamath is ET's Business Leader of the Year, while Mr Mittal's Bharti Airtel is ET's Company of the Year!

Overall, it's getting insane, and growth is becoming very difficult to handle. A guy gaining 20 kg a year is called obesity or growth, I am perplexed! But anyhow, big shots can digest big things without constipation or fat. They convert everything to muscle!

So in this time of extreme pressures, one needs to keep his pores open and strong. The more one can digest this growth today, the more will he/she relax tomorrow. Pee off the pressure, get hold of the life and ride on! This is the mantra. But hey! Who is saying the words...

PS: BTW - Had a departmental celebration today. VVS Laxman (Seems today it was his B'day also) was the chief guest there who was apparently paid handsomely by the company to talk a lot of corporate bullshit... short term goals, long term goals - assholes! FYI... Laxman accepted publically that 'Saurav was the best captain he has played under' in front of some 1000 associates (but no media). It's a kind of insider information for the readers!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

this one without a title...

I lived first two years of my post education (formal) life without a television. That’s not something to be proud of but just for the records. In college hostel we had a common room where 260 inmates of the hostel struggled with time, remote and each other to watch their favorite shows. I remember having an argument with one of the guys who wanted to watch ‘Bourn vita Quiz’ on ESPN and I wanted to see a show on Nat Geo. None of us was ready to budge when a large group of Sun TV fans rushed in and the majority won. The other guy joined them triumphantly, for he understood Thamizh, and I had to go back in my room and play Minesweeper on my PC! I remember only one occasion (apart from cricket matches) when every student irrespective of his language & origin was sitting, in the common room with all lights switched off & only TV screen shimmering with cathode radiations, silent, focused and watching TV in the common room. It was when Zee TV was airing ‘Kamasutra’.

Post education era was a mix of mixing up with some things and drawing lines with some others. Finding our own interests, exploring new experiences and of course the search for a meaning in the work we do was major occupation during that time. After two years of search and simulations (useless) a 21 inch box of wonders moved in my life. And when the wire of wisdom was plugged in it from behind miracles started appearing on its screen. I started living the days of past. Most of the time this TV kept channeled into HISTORY, HBO, Star Movies, PIX, TV 18, Star World and not to forget Discovery and Nat Geo. Discovery’s Biggest Shows were in the breakfast & lunch menu and babes of Baywatch and Sex & the City for dinner. FRIENDS, Seinfeld and the frequently repeated movies on Star had become part of everyday life. By now, I had watched every TOW… of FRIENDS at least thrice which comes in Star World and Zee Café. And I was still watching them until day before yesterday the Box was gone!

Thakur had brought the TV when he shifted from Mumbai to Hyderabad. He took it away (even after severe protests-cum-requests from his flat-mates) when he shifted from Hyderabad to Gurgaon. After it went I realized that I was so addicted to it that it’s just 48 hours I have not been with it and I am compelled to write about it.

Sitting on a chair with remote in your hands and a cable wire behind your TV, you can virtually switch between the worlds you want to live in. You have more then 200 options, more than 200 worlds and more than 200 perspectives to be with at any time – 24 by 7. From the most mundane to the most significant – there is a huge band of variety among channels. It reminds me, just 10 years back the struggle in our village was to get your TV tuned in from DD1 to DD2 because of the ‘The Arabian Nights’ cartoon series and a Saturday Matinee movies. Today we don’t wait or struggle; we just press the thumb and keep pressing it until we get what we want, what we hate or what we love – ultimately to get connected to the world.

Sadly, or perhaps not-so-sadly the TV is now gone and I am left with only a humble laptop whose half of the features were victimized by my curiosity of having XP instead of VISTA. And gone with the TV are FRIENDS, SATC and Baywatch… Everything… Stupid soaps of Star, Extreme shows of Discovery (especially Man Vs Wild which had started only recently), Holmes of History have all been taken away from me  :( ...

After TV left me, I realized I used to think other people’s thoughts. I had images of Man Vs Wild in my brain when I was alone. I had voices of Jack Nicholson and Udayan Mukharjee (of CNBC TV 18) in my head. I could hear the tune of Airtel’s ad in my head. I could see the hundreds of bikini clad babes of Axe Vice! I could replay the Amul Macho add in my head!

It is amazing that my brain remembers so much but every Hard Drive has limited GB capacity. Especially there shouldn't be more burden on the working memory (the RAM). The time now post-TV demands I clean my brain nerves. No thoughts in brain but still being aware of the being. I mean – what happens when there are no thoughts but still you know you are there? You hear every noise, every voice, you see every object, you touch every tangible thing – but thought is not there. Time is now to explore and find what happens when the thought becomes naught… Creepy!

PS: I heard Mr BKS Iyengar say here that ‘Mind is the king of the senses. And breath is the king of the mind. And it is our nervous system that drives our breath.’

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

dindu's dilemma...

As I write this down there are four kinds of people out there – happy 'but' married, unhappy & married, unmarried 'but' happy and unmarried & unhappy. This blog is dedicated to those who fall in the first and third kind!

Dindu is the alias of my good old (by age and agility) friend. His name (full as well as alias) has a long story behind it, about which I will write in detail later, but for record his full name is Dindigul Krishnamachary Senthil Santhosh Srinivasan. I know what you are thinking, but neither does he have five different heads or faces, nor does he suffer from MPD. But he has been suffering from being born in a conservative south Indian family since long. During fresher period in college, when his peers were dining out in the mess after healthy ragging sessions, Dindu was still found explaining & spelling out his name to his north Indian seniors! He was baptized Dindu after his wing mates found that he could not sleep without at least five pillows (FYI… Dindu stands for 'pillow' in Thamizh) around his flabby body - one below his feet, two stuck between his groin, one pressed under his ass and one embraced in his arms, but none below his head!!!

Dindu was serious when I last met him during a quick weekend coffee at a café shop. He was looking around at the happily-coffee-sipping-couples and suddenly his melancholy became conspicuous.

He said "I think... I *NEED NOT*... get married man… Period… What about you... Do you want to get married in life or not???"

I was left wondering by the length of silence he left between each sentence.

I said "Dae! You're making me uncomfortable! You think you NEED NOT get married, ok understood! But don't ask me about my getting married. I haven't made up my mind and I don't have any intentions in near future... of making up my mind. Moreover it's more than a question of NEED/NEED NOT. Phew!!! Tambi! Drink your coffee and enjoy the weather around. You want a cookie?"

But the @$hole made me think! The question that bothers almost every youngster, especially those (I included) who have relatively achieved quite a success in their respective social subset, have a steady cash flow, and according to their society there is nothing left for them to do except get married and get 'you-know-who' some grandchildren to play with!

Well yes! There are certainly some advantages of getting married. If you are married, people don't think you are a homo/lesbian. In your professional life you are considered more credible and committed. People would know that you are the guy who is going to stick around till the end because you have got lots of bills to pay coming month. Moreover you get a life partner who will go with you everywhere, so you will not have to ask some stranger to look after your baggage when you want to go to the loo at an airport or bus station. Most important thing is that if you are going out of station for a long time, you will not have to worry about dumping your stuff at some friend's place. Precisely, your life is settled and you are a happily-ever-after kind of man/woman.

But there are visibly some of the disadvantages also which are too important to be missed. For example, you will not be allowed to smoke and drink beer watching India Australia T20 match. Eating pizza is an offense. Every weekend you will have to go out shopping, not to shop, but to lift the carnage your missus made in the shopping mall! Hanging out with your unmarried friends in bars and pubs becomes an emotional crime you make against your beloved spouse. You will not be able to do things which you could do only when you were alone! Often you will be reminded of the six packs SRK has and that you don't work out and that you should! Kids… After five years you will have to clean the shit of your kids who regard your lap nothing more than a public toilet. In a nut shell, your frequency of saying 'give-me-a-break' will increase exponentially, from once in a month to once in every day. (Note: These experiences are as told by other happily-married and not-so-happily-married men).

Then… why people marry? The reasons people marry vary, but usually include one or more of these: procreation, social and economical stability, family formation, emotional security, legitimizing sexual relationship or public declaration of love etcetera.

Procreation…? Well, there are already more than one billion asses around in this country. Thousands new come out every day to burden the limited resources, as if getting manufactured in an assembly line. Perhaps, we Indians were busy learning non-violence and celibacy when we should have been learning how to use condoms! So, if you think that nature has given you this obligation to keep the human species alive… rethink, let me assure you that given the current rate of supply & demand of homosapiens, there won't be a shortage of this inventory for many years from now. Let those who are already there absorb first. So people who marry just to have their family tree expanded – they are not doing very good thing for the society!

Social & Economical stability…? Hmmm! That could be a valid digestible reason, given you search right kind of in-laws for yourself. Get hold of the son/daughter of some big shot in government services, or some reality champ or a businessman, or even a movie star (but make sure you have some back-up plans). Well, getting a working spouse isn't bad idea at all, unless you are not ready to tolerate some attitude. Or if you want some 'no attitude' spouse you narrow down your options further.

Large numbers of people marry to chaste their sexual frustration which, in middle & lower class India, is possible only after getting married. Well, I can bet that if sex was not so taboo a subject and not so hard to get in our Indian culture, there would have been less than half (if not less) of the marriages than they are happening today.

Blessed are those couples who found their 'soul-mate' in each other and so have taken the next step of saying 'I DO…' That kind of marriage makes the most sense. But behold! We have already had so many 'love marriage/arranged married' group discussions earlier, hajar times, haven't we? No offense to the happily-married couples, whichever mode they have chosen! Peace be with them!

And so I said "Dae Dindu! I think it is a little complicated to understand something without experiencing it. Why don't you get married and see what happens. Give it a shot machchi! Be a man! I am with you!"

Dindu said "He he he… Poda!! If it comes to experimenting why me? Why not you?"

I - "Puramboke! *You* were the one who brought up the topic, *you* were the one who made me think, *you* were the one who wanted the answer and now *you* are the one not ready to take the advice! b@$***! Then *you* will be the one who pays the bill!"

Dindu (imitating Rajini) - "Tambi! Katam! Katam!"

PS: By the way have you ever thought that hole of the a$$ is actually whole of the a$$, rest of it is either bum or buttock?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

a staple a day...

(I)
Almost every corporate office has a cafeteria which significantly affects the daily routine of corporate workers. And especially of those health sensitive bachelors(M/F), whose weight has been increasing like GDP of emerging markets since they joined the industry, but the actual flab growth is seen only around the Special Digestive Zones. Quality of the cafeteria and subsequently the health of company's work force can be sized to a great extent by looking at the numbers and ratios in associate delight surveys, workplace satisfaction surveys and attrition rate surveys.

It is an inspiring sight watching people spoon off the oil floating over 'daal fry', dusting off raw 'aata' from half baked 'rotis', soaking dry the oily 'pooris' with paper napkins, taking out small pieces of 'paneer' from the 'paneer butter masala' and at the same time discussing how the rupee appreciation will affect net quarterly revenue of the company and what will be the impact on the variable component of thei
r salary. Maximum of the crowd fill their plates with every dish in the menu, most of which goes uneaten. Well, when there is unlimited grub available for mere fifty rupees who will not compete to maximize his or her consumption? Food sucks anyhow, but wasting it is not a good thing to do. If only hunger could be understood – the bhookh – 'pet ki', 'atma ki', 'jism ki'… he he he…

(II)

Once upon a pleasant time in ancient India, scholars (today's nutritionists) had defined the diets for every work group to maximize their productivity. Brahmins abstained from all the food which tickled their senses to dangerous levels. Kshatriyas, accordingly, had a predefined dietary routine for their strenuous physical requirements. But many years later, when Brahmins were sitting beside Kshatriyas doing code review and quality audits, there was confusion on the proposed diets which could not revised in due time. When Kshatriyas ate their chicken biryani in front of their Brahmin counterparts, Brahmins were in confusion – we do the same work as Kshatriyas then why can't we eat the juicy butter chicken?

(III)

PS: One 'tandoori chicken' PJ I came across recently:

Q:: What is the height of unemployment?
A:: Spider's web in a prostitute's pussy! =))...

Sunday, October 21, 2007

survival guilt...

O Omnipresent! O omniscient! O purveyor of all! O almighty! I seek your mercy for what I have done. I know I was not ignorant. I know it was wrong, it was evil; but I could not avoid the temptation of seeing that which was forbidden. I know I deserved what I am going through. I chose to walk the road of temptation and here is what I have got to.

Now I dream of it every night. I get nightmares, where I burn in the fire of hell, my skin scorches in the simmering heat of pain and guilt. I hear voices screaming in my head, I get hallucinations of being drawn into vacuum. I get seizures, I cannot breath. My head feels like someone’s hammering it from inside.

I can’t believe I did that. I couldn’t have done that. I can’t face myself in mirror now!

Oh Compassionate Father! I seek your forgiveness. Trust me I will never do that again! Please show mercy on me. Please soothe this smothering pain of mine, I earned from my evil deed of watching the ‘RGV ki Aag’… Vomit!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

diamond/water paradox…

Father of modern Economics Adam Smith wrote about an old Platonian paradox in 1776:
The things which have the greatest value in use have frequently little or no value in exchange; and on the contrary, those which have the greatest value in exchange have frequently little or no value in use. Nothing is more useful than water: but it will purchase scarce anything; scarce anything can be handed in exchange for it. A diamond, on the contrary, has scarce any value in use; but a very great quantity of other goods may frequently be had in exchange of it.
This enlightening abstraction needs a little more addition. Value of water depends on the thirst of the person and the availability of the water, same with the diamond. Suppose the man is dying with thirst and there is little water available but beyond his reach, he will give everything for that little water.

Same might not be true for the diamond. Now since the water is unlimited in almost every country except a few, and diamond is very scarce, the equations have shifted a little.
This unfolds another human trait that mind craves for something which is beyond its reach, and ignores what it has with it. As needs keep getting satisfied more and more new needs come out. This chain reaction leads mind to misery. Look at Africa. It has the most number of diamond mines in world but still it is under developed because…? In a land where basic needs of its population are not satisfied with plenty, having things which other countries value more, lead to corruption at the basic level.

There is another trait – more we consume/use some thing, less useful it becomes to us. It is called law of diminishing marginal utility. Chocolate is the best example. If you are eating it after a month, first chocolate is like heavenly ambrosia. Second tastes good, third is ok and fourth could have been avoided… if you eat fifth, sixth, seventh – it makes you sick!! The numbers may differ depending on the individual tastes, but the ultimate effect is the same.


Well – excess of everything is bad. That’s the reason we don’t allocate all our income to only one good! Our aim consciously or subconsciously is to maximize the utility of our income! And that depends largely on what we value and what we prefer when we go out in the market hunting to satisfy our needs!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

sometimes...

Sometimes:

- You just have to stop listening to yourself.
- You need to just give up.
- You need to just walk away.
- You need to accept the defeat.
- You need to accept that you were not good enough.
- You need to accept that you are being controlled from outside.

Sometimes:

- You need to hear the voice of your heart.
- You need to hold on for one more minute, one more day, just once more.
- You need to stay and keep fighting.
- You need to put everything at stake.
- You feel you will never sell your present peace for your future prosperity.
- You wish you knew how to be silent.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

ceasing words...

A post dedicated to the silence of the heart and head. A post dedicated to the satisfied souls...

Friday, October 5, 2007

an intellectual orgasm...

Knowledge cannot be distributed like alms, knowledge cannot be transferred like e-checks.

Knowledge happens. It happens when the 'master' is ready to give and 'student' is ready to receive. It is like an intellectual intercourse, at the end of which both individuals get enlightened. Without this moral pre-requisite, it only turns into an intellectual orgy, where one person plays a victim and the other a criminal, or both play victims or both play criminals.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

god that failed...

This is something which now makes me ashamed of being born and brought up around such religious philosophy.

A religion of irrational, ignorant, hypocrite, educated-fool majority which lost the meaning of religion somewhere on the road of civilization! Why can't we take religion beyond simply showing off with mindlessness? And it is not only with Hinduism!

Sethu Samudram is another stigma! Why can't we take religion out of politics?

But then... Where should the religion go?

It should go back to where it belongs - into the individual... as sidin said some years back!